my Hallucinations made me do it
It’s true. I used to have hallucinations, hypnagogic hallucinations to be more accurate. These are hallucinations you have just before falling asleep. At the time, I didn’t know they were hallucinations. They seem so real that I thought I was seeing aliens or ghosts. It didn’t dawn on me until several months after my diagnosis that everything I experienced was hallucinations. The diagnosis? It was narcolepsy with cataplexy. That was just one of the many symptoms that I had. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 30s. Sadly, it is common to get a late diagnosis because it is so overlooked, and not even many doctors know much about it.
Today is Suddenly Sleepy Saturday (a.k.a. Narcolepsy Awareness Day). I thought this would be the perfect time to introduce my next project and invite you to follow along with the journey. I am planning a series of paintings that will tell the story of my personal journey with narcolepsy. It has been a long difficult road, and I have a lot to share about it through my art.
The artwork above is a sketch I created in my art journal probably 9 years ago. It represents hallucinations I saw as a result of my narcolepsy. I think this was the first time I represented it in my artwork. I'm excited to see how this new series turns out. I hope you are too.
Right now, I am in the planning stages. I am ecstatic about this project! The first thing I do is collect a ton of images of artwork that inspires me or reminds me of what I want to convey. Then, I write about each one. What do they represent to me? What do they make me feel? What do I like about them? What do I dislike about them? This is my homework to narrow down what I want my painting to look like, what feelings I want it to convey, and maybe even more importantly: what I don’t want it to look or feel like.
These are the images I have collected so far. Some I found on Pinterest and Instagram. Others are pictures I took while visiting the St. Louis Art Museum. I will do this process for each painting in any series. These particular ones are for my first painting of the series which will be about my personal hallucinations. Everyone experiences them differently. Mine like to peek in and out around corners in a repetitive motion. Maybe they are introverts like me. They never come close to me or seem to attack me as some people with narcolepsy experience. Now that I am treated, I no longer have visitors at night.
If you are interested in learning more about narcolepsy, the Narcolepsy Network is a great resource.
